Sunday, April 16, 2006


I thought it’d be a good idea, before I started tossing up reviews of bad action movies, to go over some questions that will probably be frequently asked as soon as reviews are available. So here goes:

(1) What exactly is a bad action movie?

A: A bad action movie is defined as a movie containing: fight scenes, firearms of all varieties, massive explosions (some for no apparent reason!), swears, nudity and a flawed plot. We also take into account directing, camera work, sound recording, and violations of the laws of physics, but these factors are not as important as the first 6.

(2) Explain the layout to me because I’m stupid.

A: Man, you sure are stupid; you can’t even ask a proper question! But I’ll explain the layout to your stupid face anyway.

-First we’ll list off the Movie Title with the year it was made in parentheses ( ) to help you find the exact same copy of the movie.

-Next you’ll see the Overall Rating, with a score of between 0 and 5 stars, and some additional info to sum up the movie and tell you a couple reasons why you should watch it.

-After that is a section called Why We Rented It, which originally had the words From The Back Cover following it. Here we’ll let you read exactly what the back cover of the movie said, so you can get the feel for why we pick certain movies as bad action movies.

-Sometimes we'll include a line like this:
********************************Spoiler Alert!**************************************
that, you guessed it, will alert you that you are walking into spoiler country. After this line there will be about a million spoilers, probably even including the ending. But if you're like us, you'll probably realize that most bad action movies are eerily predictable and you'll read on irregardless. Oh, and to end the spoiler alert, we'll put in another line like this:
********************************End of Spoilers************************************

-Our Synopsis follows this, where we’ll break down the movie for you, emphasizing scenes of bad action and specifically scenes of Ninjocity, Cannonry, Profanation, Big Ol’ Naked Boobies, and Other Factors such as directing, camera work and natural law violations. Each of these sub-sections will have a rating from 0 to 5 stars describing the amount of each that is contained in this particular movie.

-We then rate the Overall Plot Line and discuss the best parts of the movie and the usually gigantic holes in the plot. This also will have a rating between 0 and 5 stars.

-Finally, if we really thought a movie was bad, we’ll have a section called Other Items Of Note where we list off some entertaining things this movie contained that were not mentioned in the review (and some that were mentioned in the review but need extra emphasis!).

(3) What do your crazy made-up words mean in the Our Synopsis section?

A: Jeez, is it always “all definitions, all the time” with you guys? Anyways, here goes:

Ninjocity: this is the one that gets asked about the most, and probably for good reason because I made it up. Thinking back, I think I combined the words “ninja” and “velocity.” So let’s see, you’ve got “martial artist” combined with “the rate of speed of action or occurence.” Got it yet? It’s the speed at which martial artists occur or appear. To apply this to our film watchin’, it’s the amount of ninja moves and fist-fighting that appears in a given movie.

Cannonry: this is a real word, so don’t give me guff on this one. Cannonry is defined as a battery of cannons. I think that’s about the best descriptive word you could use to describe a massive amount of explosions. In our reviews, the cannonry section will also contain info on the number and kinds of firearms that play a major role in the movie.

Profanation: another real word. The act or an instance of profaning. This section has both the amount of profanity in the movie and describes ill-timed and seemingly unnecessary obscenities.

(4) What does “classic Highlander rules” mean?

A: It’s quite simple, assuming you’ve ever seen any of the Highlander movies or understand the premise. Basically, if you kill someone you become them. Actually what happened in Highlander was that you would gain the power of the person that you killed, but it’s really about the same thing. For example, say that you kill a king. If, by killing the king, you then become the king, classic Highlander rules are in effect.

(5) Why isn’t movie “X” reviewed on your bad action movie site?

A: There are a couple of reasons why that could be:

I. Haven’t got around to watching and reviewing it yet.

II. We don’t know about it.
If you would like to recommend a bad action movie to be reviewed by TBAFS, send us an email:

III. It doesn’t qualify as a bad action movie, and thus it will never be reviewed.
Take for example the movie Kazaam. It is certainly a terrible movie. In fact IMDb users have rated it one of the Top 100 Worst Movies of All Time. But Kazaam will never be reviewed by TBAFS because it doesn’t qualify as a bad action movie. I haven’t seen Kazaam in…well however long ago it was that I was a kid, but I can say for sure that there are no swears or boobies. Fighting, shooting, and explosions are kept to a minimum too, so while this movie is certainly terrible, it is not a bad action movie. However, for you Shaq lovers, maybe we can get around to reviewing Steel here sometime soon.

(6) Why doesn’t my question appear here in the FAQ’s?

A: Well, obviously you haven’t asked it enough! So I guess you’re just going to have to keep emailing us your question until we post it up here. Seriously though, any other questions or comments can be emailed to us at:


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